Something close to nada

I am having trouble with animals lately.

Pigeons: I am having a problem with pigeons. Lot's of pigeons. They have taken to hanging out by my back stairs. You can not imagine the amount of pigeon poop outside the back door every single day. It has gotten so bad that some days I think I am better off hurling my self in the air and not actually stepping on the stairs to avoid the pigeon poop. I have tried all sorts of things to be rid of them. I bought a big ugly plastic owl, hung him in a most menacing way and the pigeons basically laughed at the owl and of course by default me. That damn owl cost me $30.00 now he is just an annoyance to my cat. I tried tying black trash bags to the stairs because someone told me the movement and the noise would scare them off. Not! (OK maybe for one day there were less pigeons around) I then resorted to less humane ways. I put down some sticky gooey stuff. This miracle pigeon repellent would make the pigeons little feet stick to the steps (no, not permanently) just long enough to make them hate me and their sad little lives and fly off to someone else's house. This gooey stuff cost $120.00. The pigeons stepped in the goo, pulled their little feet out and then laughed hysterically as lizards got caught in the goo and died a slow death. I love lizards, I hate pigeons so I power washed all the goo away. Last month I am sad to say I resorted to poison ... yes my little huckleberries, my name is EsLocura and I am a pigeon killer. In my defense I must tell you that there is/was tons of pigeon poop on my stairs and it smells, it smells real bad, I was desperate. The poison killed 2 pigeons and the survivors went out and got back up pigeons to fill in the gaps. I bought a pellet gun, not to kill but to scare. The pigeons mocked me. They were afraid the first 2-3 times now they just turn around and stare at me. I think the pigeons are winning.

Dogs: The neighbors dog is driving me nuts. His bark ( I use that term loosely) is a high pitched, cause a noise bleed sort of bark. And he barks constantly. Day and night. It doesn't help that his owners are complete idiots (idiots being the kindest word I can use).The poor dog is tied to a fence with a 4ft leash. Most days he doesn't have water and I don't think he eats too well or too often. I have spoken to the neighbors, asked if they could perhaps move the dog to someplace where I can not hear him. I have offered to buy the dog, find it a good home. I give it water when I know they are not home and food when I can but that fucking barking gives me a pounding headache. And the fucking neighbors just don't care. Yesterday was the last straw, after almost 4 hours of nonstop barking, I went outside determine to tell my neighbors that I was contacting animal control. No one was home so I just set the dog free. Yes, I untied him and let him go. Of course who should come home but the neighbors, who quickly tied the poor dog back up. He's barking as I type!

Cats: I love my cat, he isn't the problem. There is a stray cat who is a problem. This stray showed up as many strays have and I fed him. (big mistake) Next day he was back with a friend. I fed them both. (mistake) This continued for about a month. Then one stray disappeared and the other stray decided that he felt so at home, he was going to come upstairs to my house. (mistake on the cat's part) My cat hangs out on the balcony, the stray tried to steal my cats food, a fight ensued, I run outside, scared the stray away. This lovely scenario has played out for a week. I am now no longer feeding the stray and taking the water hose to it when ever I spot him near my house. I haven't wet him, just scared him. But he just keeps coming back annoying my cat and pissing me off. I am now thinking I need to catch the stray and take him for a scenic long drive to the next town. ( I would of course feed him first)

Roosters: There are too many cocks on the farm. And too many cocks means plenty of fighting. All my chickens are free range, no coops for them except for the sick hens or injured roosters. Roosters like most males of any species are territorial and don't like having competition for the hens attention. Roosters fight to the death. It gets very bloody. Nothing puts a damper on my day like coming across an injured bloody or dead rooster. This problem was solved (for now) by my cousin Jose. Jose came over and caught 6 roosters to lessen the cock population. He used one rooster with a string tied around one leg, to lure other roosters into his trap. There are now only 4 roosters and about 30 hens. Better odds, happier roosters, less fighting.So what's a girl to do? I don't mistreat animals. (I've made peace with the 2 dead pigeons) I don't want to mean and angry. I don't want to become Eslocura the murderer, I so much prefer the Queen title but I am getting desperate. Got any ideas on solutions to my animal conundrums?