Monday, February 26, 2007

Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

(click on any photo for larger version)

I try to greet each day with a positive attitude and fresh outlook. One of the ways I do this is by taking a daily walk/run. I have to admit that most of the time I walk, I do not run. I am not a runner. I go through periods of time when I run because I hear running is good for me and there is an alleged "runner's high" which so far I have found to be extremely elusive. Frankly if I were to get high (not that I would ever do such a thing) but if I were, running would not be my drug of choice. I am also not convinced that running is "good" for me. I sweat (which I hate), and I can't breath (which can't be healthy). The plus side is I get to invest in extremely expensive running shoes, and buying shoes of any kind is always a treat. Given the roads in my neighborhood, I repeatedly take a break from running and walk. If I didn't, I am convinced I would just drop dead, or at the very least drop to the ground and cough up blood. For one thing, the roads here (although paved) are not straight nor flat. I live in the mountains, the roads are winding and up/down hill. The other point is that I live on a tropical island, the heat and the humidity can be gruesome. The groovy part is that it's beautiful here in the mountains, and nature is without a doubt one of my "highs".

I walk/run up hill. There are no sidewalks but we do have paved roads.

I walk/run down hill. You would think down hill would feel good but since I know that means soon I am heading up hill again, I can't get too excited.That's a banana plant on the left (big leaf) with an orange tree behind it. There are many fruit trees by the side of the road. (mango and papaya are my favorites) I am still trying to work out the logistics of bringing a blender along with me. I would be more motivated to run if I could whip up some sort of fruit daiquiri along the way.I am absolutely elated when I spot the longest stretch of straight flat road. That means I am close to home and I start to contemplate what daiquiri I am going to make with all the fruit I am carrying. Let me tell you, it isn't easy running while carrying my water bottle, camera, and fruit I picked from the side of the road.This is a breadfruit tree, it's really a veggie. I never pick these from the side of the road because by now I am too loaded down with many other roadside finds.By the time I spot "home sweet home", I am panting and gasping for air. I work on keeping my excitement under control for fear my heart will burst in my chest. Perhaps carrying 10 oranges, 14 bananas, 24 mango's and 6 papayas was too ambitious. I have walked/run for miles (or kilometers, we use the metric system in Puerto Rico). After a shower and several daiquiri's I am ready to face the day. Hope it's groovy where you are.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Everything in Moderation

I have received several inquiries into why I moderate my comments. I love inquiring minds so I am compelled to answer the :"why?" I know this blog being an open forum can be viewed by anyone, and it is my opinion that readers fall into 2 categories. There are the fabulous readers who are smart, witty and when they criticize or express their opinions, they do so with respect. Then there are the fools, the useless and weak people. These people spend their time looking for stuff they can be pissed off about in order to justify their own existence.

I got an email from someone who took offense to my "scrotum" post. (I won't name him because why give him more free press then I am already doing by talking about him). In response here is my open letter to him:

Dear Mr. Useless and weak,
Thank you for reading my blog. I understand you took offense to my scrotum post. I did warn you not to read my post if you were easily offended. Obviously you didn't read that part or your curiosity got the better of you. Regardless of the reason why you continued to read, let me address your concerns. (since you took the time to write such a caring email).
  1. Don't I care about the children of the world? ... Yes, absolutely, which is why I think they should all learn about scrotums. Learning is fundamental.
  2. must I swear? ... Fuck yeah, I like swearing. I'm sorry I have a potty mouth...NOT
  3. what gives me the right to pass judgment on others? It's my blog, my rules. passing judgment is what I do for fun, don't spoil my fun. (oh, and aren't you passing judgement on me?)
  4. it's people like me that are the reasons why we don't want to open U.S. borders. ... Ummm, I live in Puerto Rico and last time I checked Puerto Rico was part of the United States which I am pretty sure makes me a U.S. citizen. And I grew up in Brooklyn, Go Yankees! Now that has to make it all better.
  5. Why must I offend God? ... Which God is reading my blog, and why didn't someone tell me? More importantly why isn't God leaving some comments? I'd think he/she would have some pretty good opinions on my little blog. I would post all of God's comments, I would be afraid not to.
I hope that answers all your concerns. I did enjoy your email. It served to reinforce my "need" to blog. I must be doing something right to have warranted so much attention from you and the Gods.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Weird, what?, who?

I've been tagged! 123valerie tagged me with the following: list 10 weird things, habits or little known facts about moi. Immediately the brain pan starts to boil over, I mean here at the Asylum, weird is a relative term. But since uno, dos, tres (as I like to call her) tagged me; I must play along because if there is anything that isn't weird about me, it's that I play well with others.
  1. I have a paper obsession; I can't throw away a piece of paper until every last inch of it has something written on it. I have scrap pieces of paper stacked everywhere.
  2. Textures thrill me, overwhelm me, or freak me out.
  3. Sharing is not my style. Try as I might, I don't share well.
  4. I hate the color brown, I know I said this before, but really, I hate the color brown so much it's worth mentioning again.
  5. Mr. Potato head gives me the heebie jeebies.
  6. a veces I get mi English y mi Spanish all mixed up, y a veces lo hago con mi Brooklyn accent.
  7. Dark burgundy with a smattering of purple is my hair color of choice several times a year.
  8. I find pregnant women to be grotesquely deformed, and never pass up a chance to steal their parking spaces.
  9. "Music Soothes the Savage Beast". That has nothing to do with me, but I always wanted a forum where I could say that.
  10. When I dream in Spanish, I wake up and can't remember my words in English.

Thursday, February 22, 2007


In case any of you haven't noticed, there is a breast cancer badge there to the right. By posting this badge I agree to post something on my blog about breast cancer. I have thought about it and decided to make this post a general information post. I do have a personal breast cancer story but frankly I am not willing to share it at this time. Perhaps at some later date when I am eating my fruity cheerios and can detach somewhat from the still scary emotions, I will share it. For now this is what you get:
  • Every 3 minutes a woman in the united states is diagnosed with breast cancer.
  • Breast cancer incidence in women has increased from 1 in 20 in 1960 to 1 in 8 today.
  • Breast cancer is the second leading cause for death among women in the U.S. (after lung cancer)
  • Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death for U.S. women between the ages of 20 and 59, and the leading cause of cancer deaths for women worldwide.
Early detection is the key ... the 5 year survival rate is 98% with early detection. Run and get your mammograms done and don't forget to do your own breast self-exam. Self exams are easy and for a little added spice you can always con a significant or non significant other into helping (wink wink) For a "how to" of breast self-exams go to this site Susan G. Komen.

That's it, short and to the point. Hope it's groovy where you are.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Scrotum ... Stop reading here if you are easily offended

I have spent most of the day whispering, muttering, saying out loud (for all to hear), and typing the word scrotum. Yes, scrotum, scrotum as in the external sac of skin that encloses the testes in most mammals. I should point out that I am not obsessed with the actual "scrotum" just with the word. Why you might ask? It's all because of this article in the New York Times. A bunch of stupid ass, ignorant people want to ban a book called "The Higher Power of Lucky" by Susan Patron. It's a book aimed at 9-12 year olds, and somewhere in the first few sentences the word scrotum is used. Oh sweet cracker sandwich! scrotum! Ban the book, Burn it, better yet let the author burn in hell for it. What the fuck.

Do we actually live on planet where we don't think 9-12 year olds know about scrotums? I am willing to concede that they may not call them scrotums, perhaps its nut sac but whatever kids call it, the point is they know of the scrotum existence. This is the age where critical thinking starts to emerge. Don't we want kids to know body parts? Don't we want kids to read?

The real point here is censorship. Granted scrotum is not an everyday word. In fact it's an odd word. But words are good things, labeling things is one of their many uses. Until today I rarely used the word scrotum. I certainly don't behoove anyones use of the word scrotum. What I do take great offense to is stupid ass people making decisions for me. If you don't want your kids to read something you find offensive, or play some shoot them/kill them game, or watch a particular show on T.V. or even listen to music by someone who uses the word fuck in their lyrics, then don't allow them to! That's your job as a parent. Seal your child up in the closet, banish reality from your home. Teach them to be ignorant, stupid ass people just like mommy and daddy. You get to "parent" your child, not the world's children. Educators are trying to ban the book from libraries. Educators, people who are trained to teach. What the fuck! Someone hand them a pink slip quick because I am thinking they shouldn't be teaching anyone anything. Knowledge is power. Reading leads to knowledge. Using the right words to label things or in this case body parts is knowledge.

Who are these fools who have nothing better to do then ban books? Do they read the news? Aren't there a whole lot more important things to be worried about then scrotums? Like say war, world hunger, Aids, genocide, global warming, the countless acts of violence to women and children, and what about Britney Spears? (bet she doesn't think scrotum is offensive). Are these the same people who got poor planet Pluto kicked off the planet registry? What the fuck.

When we start to whisper about "private parts" (scrotum, people say it with me, SCROTUM) when we turn a blind eye or ear to the things happening around us, we help to foster an unhealthy illusion of our body and our world. It's a beautiful thing that I get to write what I want. I can rant endlessly about stupid ass people. It's called freedom. So if any of you idiots who think banning books is a good idea are reading my blog ( and I know you are because even though you proclaim to be holier than thou/me, it's all for show) shut the fuck up, get a life, focus your energy on doing good not evil.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Love Day

There are many theories on Valentines day. The most popular is that a clergy man was executed for secretly marrying couples in ancient Rome. In 496 A.D. pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honor St. Valentine. Over centuries this Christian holiday became a time to exchange love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers. In the 1940's, Esther Howland from Massachusetts is given credit for sending out the first valentines day cards. Saints, executions, love messages, it all sounds pretty romantic, now of course it is another commercial holiday for chocolates, greeting cards, and flower companies. In some parts Valentines day has become friendship day so that all those loney hearts kind of people don't feel like losers. (and if you don't have any friends, well, I guess then you really are a loser) Whatever your relationship status is, romantic love or otherwise, Happy Love day.

Oh, and to the man in my life (you know who you are) I love you.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Daily Life

Upon waking up and realizing it was a quiet day here at the asylum, I decided it was the perfect day to do housework and laundry. I donned my work clothes, boxer shorts, t-shirt, flip flops and headed first to the finca (farm) to instruct my cousin Jose aka my farm hand on the days work. Then started the laundry, the housework, fed the chickens and the cats. (yes, cats as in more then one, in addition to my little feakazoid, Rusty has joined our little family) I worked up a sweat after several hours, and now certainly not looking my best, covered with mud, sweaty and my hair, well, let's not even go there, who should stop by for a quick hello and political rundown but our Mayor. Luis Arroyo Chiques. He opened the gate and strolled right into the asylum as if he owned the place. I guess that comes with being mayor. He carries a certain air of ownership. We held our little meeting on the terrace. He in his business attire, me in my boxers and mud.

His honor has done plenty for our sleepy town. Among the highlights this past year was a new public bus which serves the country side bringing all us "country folks" into town, for free. In town we have a new youth center, and a library, which also has computers. Computers may not sound like a big deal to all you city folk but here in Aguas Buenas, it's a big deal. He also has brought in new commerce and new jobs. It is safe to claim that as far as politicians go, our mayor is doing a fine job.

OK, back to the visit. After talking about family, friends and the farm. Luis (as I call him after all if you can just stroll into the asylum unannounced, then I can call you by your first name) As I was saying, Luis informed us that construction on the new community center here on the mountain would start soon as funds have been approved. As if that wasn't enough fabulous news, there will also be a new "technology center" constructed. What! technology coming to the mountain! Praise be! The community center will hopefully be a meeting place for neighbors and will offer various classes such as crafts and aerobics. The technology center will house computers, have classes and will be connected to the electronic library in town. Our mayor is in touch with the people. Go figure. He knows here in the country most parents cannot afford to expose their children to the latest technology and so he is bringing it to us. what a guy.

So after all the shared info, giving a nod and up the chimney he rose, no wait that was someone else. We said our goodbyes and Luis left as quickly as he arrived. I sat on the terrace and pondered my day. Yep, another typical day, housework, laundry, farm work, a visit from the mayor all while looking my absolute best. Sweaty, muddy, hair looking like I stuck my finger in a socket, boxer shorts, t-shirt (sans brassier, of course). Yep, some day's you just gotta love the asylum.

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