Friday, May 25, 2007

Powers that be ... part 2

Dear Universe,

Thank you for your very prompt response to my previous letter. However, you do not play fair. Your response, although quick, was not what I was expecting. I was not at all pleased with the torrential rainstorm that hit the asylum just a mere few hours after my first letter was posted. The rainstorm resulted in loss of power and water here at the Asylum for 28 hours. Did you get that ... 28 hours.

Perhaps you did not take kindly to my previous letter. Perhaps you thought my request was gratuitous. Perhaps you did not like the little naked dance I did on the balcony, while wielding my machete and screaming curse words at the heavens. For whatever reasons, it is apparent I upset you. No power or water for 28 hours.

Your little ploy meant I had no Internet access for 28 hours. What could you have been thinking? No Internet, left me feeling empty and alone, out of contact with the world outside the Asylum. I was experiencing major symptoms of withdrawal prior to the power coming back on. Lack of water meant that I had to use bottled water to brush my teeth, flush the toilet, and shower. Do you have any idea what it's like to shower using gallon jugs of water? trust me, it's not as fun and kinky as it sounds.

The good news is, I did listen to my ipod until the battery died, I did make those phone calls to various friends using my cell phone, until that died and I did have a battery operated lantern to read by, until that died as well. I thank for you allowing me those simple pleasures but I really wish you had gone about it a different way.

I promise to stop swearing at you, (OK, maybe not stop but I will cut down) and I won't do that little naked dance again if you please reconsider my previous request and respond in a more gentle loving manner. Perhaps you can arrange for me to win the lottery or you could make a plane miraculously appear and whisk me away to someplace where I can bask in spa treatments for a few days. These are just suggestions, I am open to other ideas as long as they are pretty much exactly what I wanted in the first place.

In closing, sweet Universe, please understand that I am forever grateful for the life which I have been given. I take nothing for granted. I may be a lot a little crazy but am basically a good person. Thank you again for taking time out of your busy schedule (saving the world must be hard work) to respond to my letter. Next time please try leaving out the power outage and rainstorm with it's resulting chaos.

Sincerely, Eslocura

P.S. Am sharpening my machete, just in case you try that no Internet access shit again.



12 comments:

Em said...

LOL...it was the "PS" that clinched it.

EsLocura said...

em, got to have a back up plan, you just never know.

Anonymous said...

Naked dance on the balcon ummm.....
Sight to see, thinking......

heather said...

i was kinda worried that a mere 28 hours was all it took to completely break you. then i saw your ps and knew that all was right in the world. :-)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Wow. I'd pay attention if I were the universe, and I wouldn't deprive you of the basic necessities of life like Internet and cell phone, for 28 hours either.

Still, since I am, sadly, not the universe, I would have to agree that sharpening the machete is a very good idea. A girl can't be too careful.

EsLocura said...

tlo, well you know how it can be after a few Medallas and a couple shots of palo viejo.

EsLocura said...

heather, better safe than sorry I always say.

EsLocura said...

heart, it was all so wrong. but thanks to my trusty machete, I'm standing strong.

Anonymous said...

Having seen you naked, I'm sorry I missed the dance.

EsLocura said...

Philip, I've never been to philadelphia, are you sure it was me and not Betsy Ross, I hear she's from philly.

Kofi said...

lmao... my internet access just came back on after a 3 hour outage, and I would have sharpened a machete too, if I had one.

EsLocura said...

Kofi, you need to invest in a machete , always be prepared.

 
Google Analytics Alternative