Powers that be ... the end?

Dear Universe,

Again, I must thank you for your quick response. Again, however you didn't exactly give me what I wanted. Did you not read the part in my last post which stated "respond in a more gentle, loving way". Kidney stones ... this was gentle and loving, how? You and I are not on the same page, my friend. Kidney stones! what the fuck!

I woke up on Saturday night with the most horrendous, excruciating pain imaginable. The kind of pain which makes you vomit from the sheer agony. The kind of pain that makes a girl beg to be put out of her misery. The kind of pain that affected my thought process, my ability to speak and even my ability to reason. Did I mention the pain was excruciating, torturous, and agonizing? What the hell have I ever done to you? Granted, I have taken to swearing at you a little, then there was the "machete" threat but really, did any of that warrant kidney stones?

On the up side, the great pain drugs given to me in the emergency room allowed me to sleep for many hours. Pain drugs have the added bonus of not only numbing the pain but the brain as well. I won't go into detail about the emergency room visit but I will tell you that they treated me well and the torturous pain receded back to the depths of hell from whence it came. (before leaving the hospital, I did apologize to all the nurses and doctor's I offended with my bi-lingual swearing and screaming).

Let's try and put any bad blood behind us and work towards a more peaceful co-existence. Forget about the lottery and spa requests. Forget about a whole week of nothingness. I will try and face each day with a better attitude and you try and send a little more peace my way. I'm willing to work with you as long as you lighten up the stress load.

I have always been in awe and wonder at the majesty and splendor that is you. (trying a little ass kissing, can't hurt at this point). Although I don't feel my past requests have been over zealous, I am willing to re-examine my priorities, in return for some less painful attention from you. Don't expect another letter from me any time soon. I will cautiously trust that in the end, you will take care of me, in a much more loving manner than you have in recent weeks.

Sincerely, Eslocura

P.S. Don't misconstrue this more laid back attitude as weakness. The machete is by the nightstand.