First Aid

I went to the VA hospital today to pay a bill. (I know, what is it with me and paying bills?) I was stopped at the entrance as is customary, and asked for my license or other proof that I was not a dangerous person looking to do harm to a federal building. After showing the policeman my ID and my lovely new outfit, I parked the car and started to walk towards the building.

There must have been an invisible crack/rock/large hole in the sidewalk or perhaps it was my sashaying way, whatever ... I fell. The policeman runs over to help. (Nothing like the sight of a man in uniform rushing to your rescue to make a girl ponder how much of an injury she can feign and still look cool.) He asks "Are you OK?", to which I respond "duh, no". My elbow is bleeding, my knee has a scrape. I ask for a first aid kit. To which the policeman replies "I don't have one". No worries, after all I am at the hospital.

I head into the hospital. My elbow is bleeding, my knee stings and I can feel my face start to grimace. (As one does as they are bleeding and stinging.) I walk to the emergency room waiting area. I find the triage nurse, who without even looking up, says "take a number". (what is it with this island and "take a number?"!) I point to my bleeding elbow as I tell her to just hand me the first aid kit, I'll take it from there. She says "we don't have a first aid kit". But it's a hospital, I mutter as I walk away.

Feeling totally ignored and still bleeding I head to the front desk, and ask for a first aid kit. The idiot helpful man says "we don't have a first aid kit". Trying hard to keep my cool, blood now running down my arm, I show him my injury, tell my story and beg for help. I don't want major surgery, all I want is something to wipe up the blood, something to kill all the dirty sidewalk germs (which I am convinced by now are festering in my elbow, as they work their way into my blood stream) and a band aid. The man tells me to go the waiting room, take a number and wait for a nurse to clean my injury. I am not about to face the triage nurse again. Nope, not me. (too much time has passed, am worried about the possible blood stains to my clothes.)

I waltz/do my best knee stinging sashaying right into the emergency room, by-passing the waiting room and triage nurse. Once inside, doctors and nurses are busy taking care of sick veterans laying on hospital beds. All sorts of machines are hissing and beeping. There are real sick people in there. I stand right in the middle of an aisle and demand a first aid kit. No one even looks my way. Being the observant person I am (even in trying times), I notice that to my right is one of those carts that obviously has medical supplies. Since no one is paying attention to me, I decide to help myself and grab all the necessary supplies (gauze, antibiotic cream, band aids, antiseptic spray and a box of purple rubber gloves, those always come in handy). Armed with my newly made first aid kit, I say goodbye to a doctor walking past me, he says "have a nice day". I administered first aid to my own damn injuries, pay the bill and drive home.

Moral of this story ... it is possible to walk into a federal building, bleeding, wearing a great new outfit, help yourself to a box of purple rubber gloves and no one notices.
Feel free to fill in your own moral to the story in the comments section.