Sorrow

I read many blogs every day. I have some favorites, and then there are others I read just because. I enjoy seeing the creativity of some blogs, the emotion, the sharing of other peoples lives. Some blogs I connect with on some level, others I just visit for the garanteed good laugh. Until recently I was unaware of how some blogs have touched me, unaware of how connected I felt to some of the writers, how I can name their family members and recall so many personal facts about their lives. My blogger friends, who don't know me but whose blog I lurk around and peek at almost daily have an impact on my day. Two of my most favorite blogs are Darlene's and her sister Denise. They have beautiful blogs, filled with poetry, wondrous stories and fabulous pictures. They are currently dealing with a family crisis. Both have posted about this tragic event. I have read the updates and felt their sorrow. The magic of the Internet, complete strangers emotionally connected. The sadness they share has reminded me of my own moments filled with melancholy. I remember Christopher, my nephew, his illness, his death, his short life here on earth. He was joyous, always smiling, playful, bright, compassionate. I remember spending time alone with him in the hospital, looking at the tubes and machines, trying to be happy and brave for his sake. I think he secretly was doing the same for me. I was in Arizona, hiking when I got the call that he had died, it was unexpected and devastating. I cried the whole flight home, a small part of me expected to see him when I arrived, to hear him guessing at my secret screen name ( it was a joke between us, a game, he would guess, I would laugh, he made up the worse names for me but eventually I told him my secret name, a secret shared only with him, he sent me email to that name, I have kept that email to this day.) My pain revisited because of Denise's son Mark's accident. The candid words describing her angst, pain, fear, the power of her words rallying other blog friends and lurkers to circle, unite, pray ... the power of technology, the power of the human spirit to love those who hurt albeit complete strangers. The power of words sent through cyber space finding a place in the hearts of people all over the world. Despite so much proof to the contrary we are a loving, compassionate, powerful race. To whatever gods abide, to whatever miracles the heavens hold, may Mark heal and his family find strength. To Christopher my beloved nephew, you are still sorely missed and thought of often. If angels do exist, may you be playing golf among them, still laughing your hearty laugh at the sheer craziness of my secret screen name.