Doors

"when one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us".
Alexander Graham Bell

Two years ago when I left Boston for Puerto Rico I felt many doors close. In fact I felt some were slammed shut right in my face. I was leaving behind friends, family, my rich and not so famous lifestyle, living in high end neighborhoods, eating at expensive restaurants, constant travel and staying in 5 star hotels. I arrived in Puerto Rico to the sounds of construction (new additions to the house), coqui's, and roosters crowing (contrary to popular belief roosters don't just crow at sunrise). I had new responsibilities, a much larger family to take care of, and my life style went from stylish urban dweller to mountain top country hick. Most of my travels were to hospitals, most of my culinary delights included some kind of pork or chicken from a road side stand. It's all a blur, except for the stress, the depression, the constant crying, the frustration, and of course, the sound of the damn doors closing.

Fast forward to today, I awoke to the sounds of doors opening. They have been opening all along, it just took me a while to see/hear them. Yes, life is completely different now. Yes, my lifestyle has changed. Yes, I have way too many things to do and not enough time to do them all. Yes, if I want a banana for my cereal I don't go to the supermarket but to my back yard. But the doors are opened. Opened to experiencing my culture and my new home. Opened to this island with its unbelievable sights and sounds. Country life has surprised me. There is a much more defined sense of community. (excluding the stupid loud idiot neighbors next door) Eating fresh fruit right off the tree is truly a delight. Stopping at road side stands can be a culinary adventure. The flora and fauna of Puerto Rico is incredible. I have seen 19 rainbows and each time I sit in awe. I miss the coquis when I can't hear them. I have met new friends and new family who inspire me to be a better person. I laugh daily and it isn't always the laughter of an insane person, it's a joyous laugh. I have my new responsibilities down to a science ... OK, not a science more like organized chaos but it works. I don't stay at 5 star resorts as often but you haven't lived until you stay at the Holiday Inn and eat fresh mangoes while sitting in the pool, listening to the roosters crow. I left cold New England winters for constant tropical sunshine. I keep my windows open year round. I have my morning coffee while sitting out on the balcony watching the sunrise. I have not had any allergies nor taken allergy pills since I moved here. I have a pet gato. I drive to the feed store and buy 25lb bags of chicken feed for our free range chickens. (OK, this door can close at any time). I still do miss some things from my city life, but my country life is full of possibilities.. Two years later, I see open doors all over the place. When I choose to walk through that open door is up to me, but I know it's open and that is progress. It's a crazy country life, but (dare I say it) it's a happy life. So, I am passing on this sage advice. Don't focus on the closed door, look for the opened one, it's there, maybe a little obstructed, but it's there.

Sorrow

I read many blogs every day. I have some favorites, and then there are others I read just because. I enjoy seeing the creativity of some blogs, the emotion, the sharing of other peoples lives. Some blogs I connect with on some level, others I just visit for the garanteed good laugh. Until recently I was unaware of how some blogs have touched me, unaware of how connected I felt to some of the writers, how I can name their family members and recall so many personal facts about their lives. My blogger friends, who don't know me but whose blog I lurk around and peek at almost daily have an impact on my day. Two of my most favorite blogs are Darlene's and her sister Denise. They have beautiful blogs, filled with poetry, wondrous stories and fabulous pictures. They are currently dealing with a family crisis. Both have posted about this tragic event. I have read the updates and felt their sorrow. The magic of the Internet, complete strangers emotionally connected. The sadness they share has reminded me of my own moments filled with melancholy. I remember Christopher, my nephew, his illness, his death, his short life here on earth. He was joyous, always smiling, playful, bright, compassionate. I remember spending time alone with him in the hospital, looking at the tubes and machines, trying to be happy and brave for his sake. I think he secretly was doing the same for me. I was in Arizona, hiking when I got the call that he had died, it was unexpected and devastating. I cried the whole flight home, a small part of me expected to see him when I arrived, to hear him guessing at my secret screen name ( it was a joke between us, a game, he would guess, I would laugh, he made up the worse names for me but eventually I told him my secret name, a secret shared only with him, he sent me email to that name, I have kept that email to this day.) My pain revisited because of Denise's son Mark's accident. The candid words describing her angst, pain, fear, the power of her words rallying other blog friends and lurkers to circle, unite, pray ... the power of technology, the power of the human spirit to love those who hurt albeit complete strangers. The power of words sent through cyber space finding a place in the hearts of people all over the world. Despite so much proof to the contrary we are a loving, compassionate, powerful race. To whatever gods abide, to whatever miracles the heavens hold, may Mark heal and his family find strength. To Christopher my beloved nephew, you are still sorely missed and thought of often. If angels do exist, may you be playing golf among them, still laughing your hearty laugh at the sheer craziness of my secret screen name.