Good Bye 2006

As this year comes to a close, the media is filled with reviews of the past year. I ruminate about the past and start thinking about the new year. Unlike millions of people, I won't waste my time making New Years resolutions. What would be the point? Who do you know that actually made a resolution and kept it? If you do know someone who claims to have made a New Years resolution and kept it, chances are they lied. So again, why bother?

Instead of resolutions, I say goodbye to 2006 with love, admiration, and gratefulness to those people or events who made the planet a sweeter place, and vow in 2007 (not a resolution just a desire) to get a hell of a lot more sleep. (despite the voices)

• To my family (you know who you are): who despite their proclivity towards complete insanity continue to love me unconditionally, continue to stand strong and united no matter what the gods send our way.
  
• My friends : the "comadres" Loli, The mother hen, who despite her own trials and tribulations, always calls and emails, knowing I hardly ever return either. Yolanda, with her words of love and magical healing, the wisest soul I know. The two of you have taught me the real meaning of friendship. Dan and Jeannie, Oh, how I miss our 3 person parties, the decadence of our relationship, the jokes no one but us will ever understand. "the boys" again proving that men can sometimes be the best girlfriends.
  
• white chocolate: I am grateful, admire and love your existence
• Cochise: sweet kitty gato, your purring has stopped my tears more often then I care to admit.
  
• my ipod: because of you, music is always at the ready, evoking a plethora of emotions
  
• my cousins: (and if you know my family, you know that "cousins" number in the millions) Those I am becoming re-acquainted with and those who since childhood are part of my memories.
  
• laughter: it really is the best medicine.
• The man in my life (you know who you are): you always believe in me, never give up on me, spoil me, love me, tolerate all my bullshit, and after all these years still crack me up like no other.
  
• fruity cheerios: (not to be confused with fruit loops) a meal at any time of the day.
• health: although not perfect, I still have the energy to continue this adventure.
  
• My mother in law: your generosity of spirit and loving nature are cherished.
• Puerto Rico: my birth place, my current home, you have reawakened my pride in country and culture. (except for reggaeton which sucks and should be banned)
• Natures wonders: every day I am amazed at the beauty that is you
• platanos: my comfort food
• Everything and everyone else who crossed my path in 2006, who challenged me, shared their wisdom, or altered my being in any way.

In retrospect 2006 wasn't that bad. I jumped many hurdles, learned a few life lessons, laughed, became stronger and more determined than ever. Goodbye 2006, come on 2007, I'm ready.

Who Knew

As a kid I always had pets. Growing up in Brooklyn, we had dogs, fish, pigeons, chickens, turtles, a goose, and a guinea pig. (no, not all at the same time.) There was a cat we named Tomasina, who did not belong to anyone and as she constantly reminded us, didn't belong to us either. When ever it suited her fancy, she would show up at our kitchen window and we would feed her. She was very aloof, as cats tend to be, never allowed us to pet her but stopped by for the free meal (damn freeloader).

A year ago I became the proud owner of a cat (totally by default). His official name is Cochise, but as is the norm here at the asylum, one name is never enough. Depending on the day, activity or just by sheer whim he is also called coochi, pumpkin, horrible stinkin' monkey, kitty gato, fatso, beast of Bayamoncito and what the f**k. ( this last one isn't so much a name as my response to some act of mischief on the cat's part) Needless to say he doesn't respond to his name/names.

It is with some shame and humbleness that I, right here, right now, am admitting that I have at last joined the ranks of those annoying people who are convinced their pets are practically human and treat them as such. I speak to Cochise (feel free to fill in any other of his names here) in both Spanish and English. I fret when he appears the least bit under the weather. I ask him questions, sometimes awaiting a response. I buy him special toys, special treats, special food, because after all, nothing is too good for my "baby" (what the F**K!). I relish the sound of his purring because that affirms that I am doing my job as his caretaker and it feeds my ego, he loves me, he really loves me.

I spoil him, I feed him, take him to the vet as needed and ... (stop reading here if you have no interest in bodily functions, yes, I am blogging about bodily functions) I clean his litter box without complaining of the extremely foul smells. I have even cleaned his hairy butt! Sweet cracker sandwich, I really did clean his hairy butt. I have become a cat person. Who knew.

Two 5 year olds

Overheard at the ball park

I think we have to play here tomorrow
OH NO! we can't, Santa comes tomorrow(eyes wide)
so, Santa comes at night, we play during the day
yeah, but my mom said I have to clean my room, it smells, Santa won't come if my room smells
Santa doesn't care if you smell, only if you are good or bad (at which point he starts singing "you better watch out")
I don't smell, my room does, I was good ( now singing along with the other kid)
if your room smells then you smell (holding his nose in disgust)
(looking offended) I don't smell, my room smells, I think it's because I have a dead lizard in my dresser.
(hopping around) eewww a dead lizard, where did you get it?
I caught it, it died when I was chasing my little sister around with it, maybe I squished it too hard.
oh oh, you killed a lizard, you were bad
no I wasn't, I saved it in the dresser

One of the moms shows up and says "what are you two talking about?"

In complete harmony "OH NOTHING"

Sorrow

I read many blogs every day. I have some favorites, and then there are others I read just because. I enjoy seeing the creativity of some blogs, the emotion, the sharing of other peoples lives. Some blogs I connect with on some level, others I just visit for the garanteed good laugh. Until recently I was unaware of how some blogs have touched me, unaware of how connected I felt to some of the writers, how I can name their family members and recall so many personal facts about their lives. My blogger friends, who don't know me but whose blog I lurk around and peek at almost daily have an impact on my day. Two of my most favorite blogs are Darlene's and her sister Denise. They have beautiful blogs, filled with poetry, wondrous stories and fabulous pictures. They are currently dealing with a family crisis. Both have posted about this tragic event. I have read the updates and felt their sorrow. The magic of the Internet, complete strangers emotionally connected. The sadness they share has reminded me of my own moments filled with melancholy. I remember Christopher, my nephew, his illness, his death, his short life here on earth. He was joyous, always smiling, playful, bright, compassionate. I remember spending time alone with him in the hospital, looking at the tubes and machines, trying to be happy and brave for his sake. I think he secretly was doing the same for me. I was in Arizona, hiking when I got the call that he had died, it was unexpected and devastating. I cried the whole flight home, a small part of me expected to see him when I arrived, to hear him guessing at my secret screen name ( it was a joke between us, a game, he would guess, I would laugh, he made up the worse names for me but eventually I told him my secret name, a secret shared only with him, he sent me email to that name, I have kept that email to this day.) My pain revisited because of Denise's son Mark's accident. The candid words describing her angst, pain, fear, the power of her words rallying other blog friends and lurkers to circle, unite, pray ... the power of technology, the power of the human spirit to love those who hurt albeit complete strangers. The power of words sent through cyber space finding a place in the hearts of people all over the world. Despite so much proof to the contrary we are a loving, compassionate, powerful race. To whatever gods abide, to whatever miracles the heavens hold, may Mark heal and his family find strength. To Christopher my beloved nephew, you are still sorely missed and thought of often. If angels do exist, may you be playing golf among them, still laughing your hearty laugh at the sheer craziness of my secret screen name.

Stillness

It's that holly jolly, hustle and bustle time of year and I am longing for stillness. That quiet time not invaded by Christmas stuff, the crazed shoppers, the traffic, the multiple lists of things that need to get done.(which I still haven't done but swear I will get done today, OK, maybe not today but eventually.) December seems to be the embodiment of all things not still, not quiet. I've spent the last 2 years running on empty, frazzled, crazed, with little sleep and minimal time alone, minimal stillness. I don't regret this new life, it was the right choice, the only choice, but I can't help but have moments, or even whole days when I lament the passing of my old life. This time of year intensifies my needs, my wants, my desires.

There have been pauses where the world stood still long enough for me to breathe deeply. I regret not having enough of those moments. The kinds of moments where you can clear your mind, perhaps even your heart, and just breathe. Sometimes those moments are quiet reprieves from chaos in the middle of the day. Sometimes they happen minutes before I drift off to sleep. I lay in bed relishing the quiet, the stillness of mind and body, remembering past moments of bliss or imagining new ones. And then the sandman takes over.

A deep breath, basking in sunlight, closing my eyes, laughter, the sound of rain, the purring of my cat while he falls asleep in my lap, my ipod, a full moon or a starry night, long hot showers, stolen seconds of solitude = my stillness.

Welcome to my world

It's been about a year since I started thinking about this blog. I wasn't sure what it would be about and I spent many sleepless nights pondering it's content. ( OK maybe it wasn't many sleepless night, but I did ponder) Well the sleepless nights and pondering are over, it's blog day. In preparing for this fateful day, I spent many days, months, years (OK maybe not years but I swear it has been months), checking out other peoples blogs. I am amazed and impressed with the diversity and talent of bloggers. Some are funny, and witty, some share their inner most thoughts, and emotions, some are social and political commentary. Many give the reader a glimpse into their personal lives. (frankly some of that stuff, mostly the ones about bodily functions, I just didn't need/nor want to know but I read them anyway). All this research in an attempt to find a place, a topic, some sort of muse for my blog.

All that said, here are my findings, This is my blog, I will share what I want, when I want, about whatever topic I want, I will NOT discuss my bodily functions ( although I can't say I will not discuss the bodily functions of others). I shall write without concern about the comments/critiques of others . (if you don't like what you read, go start your own blog) I will let my imagination and my crazy twisted views fall upon this pristine page as often as my life allows. So welcome to my asylum blog.