When the lights go out

It all started innocently enough. This months electric bill was $658.01. Since in the last two years of living here, it has never been more than $300. I decided it was a good idea to go and ask someone at the electric company about it. So off I go to the office in Caguas to dispute the bill. I went to the office armed with proof that it was wrong and that obviously someone made a mistake.

After spending 30 minutes looking for parking, which I am willing to admit, might have altered my normally cheerful disposition, I asked the "door guard" if he knew which department handled bill disputes. He responded with "take a number". So I did, because I respect men with no skills who can't find jobs other than that of door guard and sport a stupid looking faux police-like uniform. After waiting a few minutes, much to my gleeful surprise my number was called. I was instructed to sit in a cubical with a very large, rather angry looking ogre gentleman. Mr. Stupid informed me that I was in the wrong place and showed me where to take a number for the right place. (Note to self: submit to suggestion box: perhaps it would be wise to post signs as to which number is for what problem since both number stations are within inches of each other and not labeled).

I waited 90 minutes before my new number was called. This time I was ushered into a cubical where by with my astute powers of observation, it was clear this person was related to Mr. Stupid. Ms. Stupid not only wore the same non-existent smile, but her skin was of the same yellowish not human pallor. But I digress. She asked what the problem was, I told her my bill was wrong. She said the electric company didn't make mistakes and instructed me to pay my bill. I said I would pay as soon as I had proof I owed $658.01. She, being the automaton that she was, asked me to explain why I thought I didn't owe said amount. I pulled out the last 2 years worth of bills and explained I never paid more than $300.00 a month and that this bill was estimated and not an actual reading. She said they were too busy to read the meters. Too busy to read the meters! Go figure. I than very proudly handed her my (beautifully made on computer) meter dials with arrows pointing to the actual reading I took that morning. (all the while trying to hide my devilish smile because HA! I knew that was coming and I was ready)

Ms. Stupid glared (sideways no less) at the paper I handed her and asked when I took that reading. This morning I said proudly. Wait here she said and walked away. I was hoping she went off to show off my lovely dials but truth be known I thought there was a slight chance she was having my electricity turned off. Perhaps I shouldn't have smiled so much, diminishing the seriousness of the task at hand.

Ms. Stupid returned without a word and started to enter things in her computer. Then she started writing down numbers, then she started to use a calculator. Then I started to ask what she was doing but she shushed me ... me ... she shushed me. Now it got a little ugly. Maybe it was the fact that I had already spent 4 hours at the electric company, or I was hungry, or because no one has shushed me since I was 3, but I decided I would speak even if Ms. Stupid didn't care to listen. I demanded in my most eloquent Spanish to know what the hell was happening. That evil automaton looked at me with a "duh" sort of look and said she was trying to figure out what I owed. (I took a moment since when I get pissed off, I have a hard time switching back and forth between English and Spanish and can't find the right words.) I informed her she could have said so and that I didn't need her bad attitude since I intended to pay my bill as I always had, in full, and on time as long as it was right. She snarled, and went back to adding/subtracting, whatever the fuck she was doing with the calculator. I, not being one to be out done, pulled out my cell phone and made a call. I spoke entirely in English the whole time, hoping this was annoying Ms. Stupid.

Eventually Ms. Stupid said I was right. The bill was wrong. I owed $536.56. But I never paid more than $300 I exclaimed with sheer horror at her new figure. Yes, she smiled sweetly but your last bill was also estimated and you underpaid. Two bills, both estimated, both wrong. I only caught one, what a damn oversight. So I did what any girl would do at this point, I said prove it.

Mr. Stupid now joined Ms. Stupid, because apparently I was making a scene. Prove it, I'll pay and we can all go on with our day. A long while later, many pieces of paper, 3 calculators and a supervisor, I owed $526.06. Ms. Stupid had made a $10.50 mistake. (imagine my evil laugh here). OK, it was still more than $300 but I made a lasting impression. I used my debit card to pay, in full and left.