Who Am I?
I was talking to my cat, when it dawned on me, I'm sitting out on the balcony, in the middle of the night talking to my cat. Which is just a step better than talking to yourself, but then again this is the asylum, and talking to yourself or the cat isn't that weird. When the cat wandered off, obviously bored with the one sided conversation, he glanced back at me, with that look of arrogance, typical to cats, seemly saying "who the hell are you?". I was left to ponder that question, sitting out on the balcony, in the middle of the night, I am a proud Boricua, who is also an American. I was born in Bayamon, Puerto Rico, and grew up in Brooklyn, NY. I have all the craziness of my Puerto Rican upbringing and all the savvy of a street wise New Yorker. I have the work ethic and loyalty of parents who struggled their whole lives in the land of opportunity. I have a heritage mixed with traits of African slaves, Taino Indians and the Spaniards who inhibited my island home.
I am a female, whose hair color can not always be found in nature. I have a body that I would gladly trade in for a newer model, if given the chance. I am a sucker for a lost cause, an advocate for those who suffer injustice, and extremely liberal. I love Fruity Cheerios and penny candy. I enjoy the finer things in life and luckily have been able to experience and enjoy many of them. I never forget being poor, feeling hungry, and the fear that was born from living in bad neighborhoods. I admire and appreciate nature's beauty, and most times find complete solace when surrounded by it.
I don't always understand how I fit in. I am educated, and bi- lingual. I struggle with worries about life and my future. I am a complex mixture of optimism and pessimism. A woman who has truly loved and been loved, unconditionally. I bear the scars of betrayal and heartbreak. I fight for my sanity, sometimes daily. I do not participate in any organized religion but was brought up Catholic. I turned away and closed my book on Catholicism many years ago.
My nurtured side has left me with a strong sense of self, yet nature/society have sometimes squashed me like a bug. I must have piping hot, strong black coffee, no sugar, every morning. Ripe plantains are a comfort food. I am not a fashion guru (nor have I played one on TV) but my style is my own. I don't share possessions or food well, but I donate to my favorite charities generously. I keep watch on a family history of heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, mental illness, cancer, alcoholism and drug addiction, I have yet to fall prey to any of them. I love music and my iPod reflects my culture, my ups, my downs, my memories and my diversity.
I tend to mask my emotions until I reach a boiling point. I am compassionate and at times self-less to an almost stomach turning degree. I don't memorize anything I can look up, or program into some device that will memorize information for me. I am sarcastic, have a nasty temper and consider asking for help a sign of weakness. I have a good sense of humor, enjoy silly banter and I hate talking about myself. Funny how the things I hate, sometimes liberate.
Who am I? I am a never ending work in progress.
30 comments:
I enjoyed reading this. You are complex and interesting, and I love that you chose to return to the place of your beginnings, a reverse immigrant.
You are honest and often funny, and I always look for your comments to my posts.
I also do not believe in organized religions as they are divisive and competitive, and plantains are very yummy.
Hearts, gracias for the lovely compliments and for sharing, I always look for your comments as well.
Very well done. I'm more of a plain, un-flavored Cheerios kind of guy but I'm hoping that's okay. My African side has introduced me to the world of plantains. We don't eat them very often in CT but every once in a while my dad would cook them. Thanks for bringing back the memory.
Kofi, cheerios, of any kind always remind me of childhood, it's a good thing. I didn't get plantains much in Boston either, it was always a rare treat then. Now I grow my own.
i've just started seeing the fruity cheerios around here. i haven't tried them yet but i have a 6 yr old so it will happen soon i'm sure. i'm a honey nut cheerio's kinda gal. say what you will about cereal choices speaking volumes about the consumer. signal me when you're done and i'll turn my hearing aid back on. ;-)
i've never tried plantains. i've been wanting to try them fried but i'm unsure of just when to buy them. i've seen them cooked on food network and it doesn't ~look~ hard but i'm really good at screwing things up.
you make talking to your cat sound like it's not perfectly normal. why? i talk to my cats all the time. usually when i'm trying to go to the bathroom. i don't think i've gone to the bathroom all by myself in about 8 years. some of the most enlightening conversations i've had have been with me sitting on the toilet, talking to one of the cats! lol
oh god! maybe i ~do~ need a jacket with extra long sleeves after all. :-)
(i've been known to enjoy a cigar from time to time too. or a pipe, i love the smell of captian black tobacco but i could never convince j to smoke a pipe that didn't have pot in it. maybe my next husband will. lol)
Es, I'm with Heather...I'm a Honey Nut Cheerios type of gal too! The fruity ones are good too though!
I'm not a fan of platanos...I just didn't care for them! I have a couple of friends who love them though.
I really enjoyed this post...there are not many people that can describe themselves in such a manner...definitely a treat!
That was great!
Just had a thought (see, I do think sometimes) as I was reading your post.
Since salsa is seriously limited here in the south to infrequent airplay, I'm wondering if DLG are still making beautiful music. Huey has one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard. I sing along with the songs phoenetically (my Spanish speaking buds have no idea what I'm trying to sing, but it sounds good to me) and lost their CD a few years ago. The stores I've checked down here don't know who I'm talking about when I ask for Dark Latin Groove.
Do you know their music?
What a wonderful way of letting us get to know you better. Thanks for sharing! You should keep this for your "about me" page/section/post.
heather, tell the 6 yr old, fruity cheerios are not as sweet as fruit loops. plantains are easy, green or ripe I love them. some days we all need that jacket with the extra long sleeves.
Tera, I like honey nut myself but fruity is my fav. how can you not like platanos? what is wrong with you girl? : )
Jali, yes I do know them, don't hear them as much around here anymore since the stupid reggaeton. But there is still plenty of salsa, to enjoy. thank gawd.
fringes, gracias, had a weak, have to share moment.
I do believe you will share your food because I have mangos on the way to me. You also forgot to add in that you tend to lead the blind through your blog and provide comfort from letting us know we are not alone in our straight jackets.
..or maybe that's just what you do for me.
Susan, shhh, in my defense, I didn't share the mangos currently on my kitchen counter. And thank you, I love having company at the asylum.
I don't equate sharing with weakness. Vulnerabilty, maybe, but not weakness. It's good to let others inside on occasion.
fringes, that's just because you are hoping to intercept incoming mangos at q's.
And I talk to my cat all the time. With great respect, I might add.
I am...the best there is at being me. Yeah...I'll go with that.
heart, I bet your cat wouldn't have it any other way.
amadeo, and that's damn good.
Very interesting to learn these things about you-can't judge a book by it's cover.
-bad temper and all, we still love ya.
Spunky, am grateful for that family love. I am so Looking forward to saturday.
This was so great!!!! BTW you are hilarious!
Paula, thanks, you are pretty damn funny yourself. mutual admiration it's a good thing.
I appreciate your candor. Isn't it funny how we get to know the people we read in the blog world yet chances are we'll never meet? It makes me kinda sad.
Nina, yes, wouldn't it be interesting to all meet up at some point, match each blog to it's author, and see how many we could get right.
hey kiddo!!! eslocura just called for a kegger! hella yeah! ;-) now there's a blog convention i'd like to go to. it would have to be kept to say 30 or 40 people. any more than that would be ~way~ too many. the smaller the better. as long as you have at least 7 or 8.
Heather, I forgot to mention it's over at your bar, hope there's enough room at your house for a sleepover.
it'll be cramped quarters if we all try to squeeze into my house but i have a rather nice backyard and on the other side of my drive way there's plenty of room for sleeping bags. as long as you don't get freaked out by a bunch of headstones that is. lol
Eslocura, You've won an award. Come on over and see what it is.
Heather, it would be pretty funny and a little kinky by those headstones.
Nicole, African slaves because that is how they are referred to in our history books, not just Africans because they were slaves, and not Spanish slave owners because I can trace my roots to slaves but not to owners of slaves.
Hearts, I am ever so proud, thank you will be posting my award soon.
Well, you sound absolutely delightful. It is a pleasure to meet you.
I am an ex-Catholic too. I've met a few others. I think this trait breeds a certain sort of cynical brilliance. ;)
Lee, cynical brilliance how lovely, from now on I am using that triait on my resume.
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