Starting Over

I am starting over. I haven't been at the asylum very much. Oh, go ahead and say it ... I haven't been here at all. But whatever, lets just wipe the blog slate clean and start over, shall we?

Things I learned while I was away:

• Nietzsche was right, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, even if dying seems like the easier alternative.
• Losing a loved one completely changes you forever, doesn't matter who it is, or what your relationship was, you will never be the same.
• Laughter , a sense of humor, the only armor you really need.
• I know some seriously fabulously awesome people, who love me and show it, how groovy is that?
• It takes a lot of courage to have the freedom to be me, and I am not always courageous.
• Don't ever decide to change your hair color while sad, depressed or grieving.
• Being and/or feeling crazy isn't always a bad thing.
• I'm still standing, looking like a true survivor. (feel free to do your best Elton John impression here)
• I missed writing, so perhaps I am back.
• Been keeping tabs on all you huckleberries, expect more obvious visits.

Still here

Inquiring minds have been wondering where I am. Estoy aqui, right here, busy doing stuff, trying to live life and be true to my self in the process.

It's not easy being green me. Life sometimes gets in the way of blogging, but I haven't been ignoring you. I have read all your posts, gotten your emails and read your comments. But I have been silent while doing it.

Much has been happening here on my little island. There is a teachers strike, which is volatile and has caused much turmoil among the natives. It's an election year, and you know what that means, the idiots are out causing havoc. The neighbors are as stupid as ever and court action seems to be my next recourse. The asylum has been dealing with stray cats (still) and pigeons (still) and barking dogs (still).

There have been many appointments for many things, farming to do and repairs to be made. I have washed all the windows and screens. I am having trouble with my camera and am thinking I need to replace it. My Ipod is having breathing problems and I may have to replace it as well. The car needs new breaks and a tune up, as well as it's inspection time.

I have many things I want to post about, like island politics, Papito Rei, friendship, love and sex. Friendship, love and sex being completely unrelated topics. I have also been tagged with several memes which I still haven't gotten to, and I got a couple blogger award things which I haven't thanked people for.

I have been doing a little soul searching because sometimes a girl has to re-evaluate where she is in life and where she might be going. I have had some emotional highs and some lows. I have been doing some hand holding with those I love, at times long distance. (you would be surprised how even with an ocean separating you, you can hold someone close). I may be rekindling a friendship and losing another. The freedom to be yourself seems to always come at a cost, it's how high a price I am willing to pay that sometimes keeps me silent, frozen even.

I still made time to take some new pictures (even with my injured camera) for new blog headers. (this months header is a peek at what most of our cemeteries look like here on the island). I still listen to my Ipod before I fall asleep even if my sweet Ipod is dying. I still made time to smoke a nice cigar, do my hair (notice the lovely new flower headband), nothing makes a girl feel prettier than flowers in/on her hair. And today I made time to say "hello" to all of you!

I am here, my little huckleberries, still holding down, fighting, pondering, searching and loving all the craziness at the asylum.

The Asylum

Mental illness is defined as: 1) Any disease of the mind, the psychological state of someone who has emotional or behavioral problems serious enough to require psychiatric intervention. 2) Any of various psychiatric disorders or diseases, usually characterized by impairment of mood, thought or behavior.

Statistics claim that roughly 1 in every 4 adults each year suffers from some form of mental illness. Anxiety and depression being the most common. Mental illnesses are biological based brain disorders and can strike any individual regardless of age, gender, religion, nationality or income.

Among the many things that make me fabulous (trust me the list of things that make me fabulous is endless), is my vast knowledge of mental illness and it's treatment. In my little bag of tricks I hold many bits and pieces of information. I know about the latest treatment modalities, newest medications, current mental health fads and all sorts of verbiage related to being/feeling crazy, out of sorts, not right, depressed and so on ... you can fill in any other labels here.

I came about this wealth of knowledge through two routes, formal education, yes my little huckleberries back when I had a career it was in the mental health field, and through personal experience. My family, those near and far come with many "mental issues". For some reason albeit whatever gods exist or perhaps it was just the way of the universe, I am a designated therapist to those I love and to those I know and to those that just happen to find me. My profound loyalty to family has made it impossible to ever turn a deaf ear to those in mental pain regardless of the cost to me both financially and personally. My strong belief in the strength and possibility of healing the mind, leading to a happy life, keeps me researching treatments and, medications. Constantly studying human behavior and it's effects on the mind.

In recent months I have been coping with the mental illness of a couple people near and dear to me. In fact, my emotional bond to these 2 is stronger than super glue. It has been difficult to see their pain, to witness bits of self destruction, to worry about side effects to new medication, to get completely encircled by depression, suicide, aggression and to be limited by their cognitive disabilities.

So why this post, I don't really know, as I do feel like I am just babbling. If I had a point (and I am not sure that I do) It is that sometimes given all the right tools, sometimes vast amounts of knowledge can't always help those you love. That sometimes wanting to save someone can cost you more than you were willing to pay. But you pay the price because you refuse to give up, because you can't lose faith that with time somehow, somewhere answers will appear and the mental anguish of those you love will ease it's self into a calmness that will allow them to live a happier life.

So my little huckleberries if you find yourself feeling a tad "crazy", if you are experiencing extreme bouts of melancholy, if you feel suicidal, alone, in despair, know that you are not alone. Know that millions of people all over the world are feeling the same thing right now, even as you read this. Know that there is hope, there is help. Know that your strongest asset is your ability to heal and live a better, happier life. Know that joy is around the corner, even if you can't see it right now. Know that somewhere on a tropical island someone wishes you well, wishes you a heart full of hope, a good nights sleep and above all ... a little mental health.