Puerto Rican tales

I was born in Puerto Rico. I am a United States citizen, everyone born on the island is, it's one of the benefits of my island being a colony of the USA. When I first moved back to mi isla I had reason to obtain a copy of my birth certificate. It seems here on the island we need a birth certificate to do a whole bunch of things including opening a bank account. To get a copy of my birth certificate I had to stand on huge lines, show 62 pieces of identification, fill out a very long application form and pay a $20 fee. Imagine my surprise when recently our government informed it's people that as of July 1st, all our birth certificates will be null and void. Yes, my old birth certificate will no longer be valid and I must apply for a new one. WTF.

Due to the current craziness in global immigration issues, Puerto Rican birth certificates reportedly account for 40% of passport and identification fraud. Nefarious people are willing to pay upwards of $10,000 for one. OK maybe they aren't all nefarious, perhaps some are just illegal aliens looking to score naturalized citizenship but whatever the reason, as of July 1st, I must go back into the depths of hell my local demographics office and obtain a new certificate.

There will be millions of Boricuas here on the island and in the United States trying to replace their useless birth certificate for a new one. There has been no news as to how the new certificate will be enhanced to prevent identity theft and no news as to what will prevent me from selling the new one for a quick $10,000. In the mean time I currently have not one but two legal copies of my birth certificate up for grabs. I will only entertain serious offers, cash only, throw in a pair of Manolo Blahniks and you win. Please hurry July 1st is quickly approaching.

In other Puerto Rican news fronts, it appears Republicans are throwing around the name of our governor Luis Fortuño as possible vice presidential material. (Seriously, lets all pause for a moment while I stop laughing) I am absolutely a proud Boricua, I love my island, it's people and my culture. I also come from a long line of politically active family. But Luis Fortuño for vice president? The man is a complete moron. An elitist with little regard for the islands people whose main concern is his own political life and agenda. Perhaps that is exactly what qualifies him as Republican vice president material pero no puede ser. Seriously, I don't think it will ever happen, it's just talk, even just rumor. I shall be having nightmares for at least a month now. Damn those political rumor mills to hell.

The Department of Natural and Environmental Resources has informed us that Lionfish have invaded the northern coast of Puerto Rico. The troublesome invasion of these beautiful yet dangerous fish are threatening our native reefs. The speed at which the Lionfish reproduces as well as it massive appetite could spell disaster for our northern coast. Environmental Resources is pursuing ways to get this problem under control by posting a hot line phone number for Lionfish sightings and offering fishermen $2 or $3 a piece for species turned over to them. I wonder if Lionfish born in Puerto Rico need to apply for the new birth certificate? Perhaps we can ask our governor to jump in to the waters off the northern coast and pet a few. Can Lionfish count as constituents?

In news closer to my corazon, my little brother turns 18 on Saturday. Be still my heart, more on that monumental occasion to come.