Soon to return

Dearest Huckleberries,

I have been so neglectful of the asylum and the 3 or 4 million of you that stop in to visit. I haven't felt much like writing. When I do feel like writing it isn't anything pleasant because ya know my mood tends to be foul of late. And lets face it this blog has been a bit of a downer more times than not lately. So I have chosen to be silent rather then continue my downward spiral at the asylum.

My mood isn't much better but I do so love the asylum and have decided that writing is a joyous thing so am going to focus on a little writing, perhaps some remodeling, this place could use a little paint to freshen it up. Just to get me started back on the right track here are some totally useless things to share with you:

• In recent months I bought fresh blueberries and pomegranates. If you're thinking not a big deal, you would be wrong. It is a big deal when those items are imported to the island. I paid $7 for the the pint of blueberries and $17 for the 6 pomegranates. As with most food items that are imported to this island, you buy them when you see them because you may never see them again. You pay exaggerated prices because that's just the way it goes. So I bought them. The blueberries were used to make pancakes, YUM! Worth every penny. I had not eaten a pomegranate since moving here 4 years ago. I love them. They were the biggest ones I have ever seen and were simply scrumptious. Deliciously sweet, almost decadent and worth every incredibly overpriced cent. It made me happy.
• My house is in the process of getting a makeover, roofs were leaking and now have been sealed, painting is progressing at a snails pace due to the constant daily rain. But damn, it's starting to look fabulous.
• The holiday season is here, Bah fucking Humbug, yeah that's my attitude.
  
• Tuesday (Dec. 9th) would have been my parents 53rd wedding anniversary, breaks my heart, fills it with sorrow. Fuck!
• I have a couple memes to do, have been reading your blogs. (promise to start commenting again this week, well maybe) You huckleberries are a creative bunch and greatly amusing.
• Poi is an interesting character from my neighborhood. I have watched him walk up and down our road for the past 4 years. He is always followed by at least 4 dogs. He is disheveled, very dirty looking and hasn't had a haircut for at least the 4 years that I have watched him. He basically ignores everyone, just wanders around, picking things out of trash cans, followed by his trusty pack of dogs. For 4 years I have gone out of my way to greet him, "hello, good morning, Hi, how are you?, good afternoon". At first he ignored me, then he started sticking his tongue out at me, then a couple weeks ago he said hi back. (Progress, after just 4 years) Now he sometimes blows me kisses or waves first. Last week I found out his story. Poi was once married and had a 5 year old son. He also had his own business. About 6 years ago his little son was killed by a passing car. It left Poi and his wife broken, so broken that they each fell apart. their marriage ended, he lost his business, turned to alcohol and slowly became the "man he is today". He no longer has a family, or a home. He isn't always coherent. He relies on people in our neighborhood to feed him, lives where ever he finds cover, always protected by his dogs. He exist a broken crazy man who now takes the time to wave at me. I wonder where my breaking point is. Do we all have one? That place that is so painful and ugly that we break. Kinda makes me want to stop whining about how much this year sucks the juice of pond scum. Kinda but not yet.
• Speaking of whining, this year really fucking sucks, ton's.
• Despite my obvious misery I am still absolutely in awe of the beauty that is this island. The night sky filled with so many stars it becomes a challenge to find specific constellations because I am so distracted by all the twinkling. The incredible burst of color at almost every sunrise and sometimes sunset. The lush vegetation, the island air. Puerto Rico truly is "la isla del encanto".
• I use to be able to flip back and forth between English and Spanish with ease. Completely fluent in both, translations were a breeze. I can't do that lately. My pronunciation in either language is seriously lacking. I get stuck trying to think of a particular word in either language. I sometimes start off in English and end up in Spanish and don't notice until the clerk gives me that blank "I have no clue what you are talking about" look. It's a little crazy.
  
• Tony, there was a Ramito festival in Caguas this weekend. I didn't go but I would have gone in a heart beat had you been in town.
• I am still at war with my loud neighbors and still have a pigeon problem.
• My brother has a new girlfriend, she sings in the church choir, young love, arrgghh.
• I once again for the gazillion time this year must thank you for the concern. Your short notes, comments and texts have been warmly received even if I haven't acknowledged them. Truth be known every month there seems to be another reason why life sucks, why I am sad and miserable. Every month that goes by I have a better understanding about why some people "break". Every month I am still here grasping at the small things, hoping they are enough to get me through another day. Every Month I realize I still have enough strength and humor to get through one more day. Every month I wonder how helpful sleeping pills or anti-depressants might be. But every so often I think "this too shall pass" and I'll be OK. And life does go on ... only it's different than the life I once loved. But I'll grow to love this one too, only differently. So there you have my last "misery" rant, well maybe not my last. I will be back, with a lot less whining, well maybe not a lot less whining but a better attitude, well maybe not that either but I will be back soon. Promise.

Besos, Es
(feed the turtles, it's my attempt at something joyful)