Broken

Dearest Huckleberries,

I am so lost and heart broken. I have spent the last week watching someone I simply adore and love madly slowly wither away before my very eyes. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I just can't.

The death of Papito Rei in January broken my heart in places that were already a little fragile. I've been meaning to tell you all about Rei, he was a most amazing person, and you missed out not knowing him, I'll get around to that tale at some point. The recent health scare of yet another love of my vida broke me just a little bit more. And now ... well now I'm thinking all the little pieces are going to be harder to put back together.

So why the fuck am I blogging right now? Because I need to do something and I don't have the physical energy to do anything else. I've read your comments and emails and as always, you are fabulous and I feel the love, gracias, muchas gracias.

I am spending most of my waking hours at the hospital. Today I did the hardest thing yet. I signed the dreaded "DO NOT RESUSCITATE" papers. Let me tell ya my little huckleberries, If I thought I was kicked in the balls last week, this week even "balls the size of church bells" would not hold up well.

I'm letting you know how bad things are, yet being vague because I can't bear to type the details. Perhaps another day. I thought I had plenty to say but I don't, so I'm done. Goodnight, don't let the bedbugs bite. And thank you again for all that positive energy you are sending my way. Keep it coming. I'll write again when I can.

Besos, Es.

Kicked in the balls

Life is kicking me in the balls. For the record I don't have balls but if I did, life would certainly be kicking me in the balls. How can a girl go from living and relaxing in bliss one day and less then 48 hours later be writhing in pain? The emotional kind of writhing in pain and as we all know, emotional pain is the worse kind of pain. I don't know what I have done in my short life to warrant such extreme cruelty from the gods but ... motherfuckers!

If I had balls, which I don't but if I did, they would be smashed/kicked to smithereens by now. I have always been a "glass is half full kind" of girl. I bask in the good days and let the bad days roll but rat bastards, enough already. The glass is starting to look half empty and that sucks the juice of pond scum!

This is the "Asylum" and as such you would expect things to be a tad crazy, but hell this isn't crazy this is damn fucking insane and not insane in a good way. (yeah I think some insanity is a good thing). This my little huckleberries is the bad insanity. Life sucks, there I said it and I'm proud.

Your regularly scheduled programing (such as "RIF") will return as soon as I develop some balls of steal.