A little bit lost

The last few days have been difficult ones. I will not go into all the details right now because it overwhelms me with sadness. I will say that it involves the passing of a dear and very special friend. I remember his voice and the laughs we shared on Christmas day and I can't fathom not hearing him again. I cry, I cry way too often and easily these days. It makes me very uncomfortable. I hurt because I can't make things better for his wife, my dear "comadre de mi alma". I hurt because death has become an all too familiar event in my life.

There are moments when I focus on the life that was. Moments shared, conversations held during long sleepless nights, his wisdom and his ever so quirky sense of humor. I am grateful that he was in my life. Grateful that he touched my heart. Grateful to have known him. Yet I can't seem to find much solace in those thoughts. Perhaps it's too new, and "time heals all wounds". Yes, time, perhaps a little time. Then again time only makes things a little more numb, I don't think it heals anything.

I struggle with the belief that he may be in a better place. Those that know me well, know this is a concept I don't really buy into. I struggle with what he left behind. I struggle with the emptiness. I struggle with the pain and anguish I heard in my comadre's voice when she told me. I struggle and I cry. It's been an emotional time.

So my little huckleberries, keep checking in, let me know how you are doing, I'll be reading your blogs but perhaps not commenting, I'll get around to the meme's I've been tagged with as soon as I feel up to it. In the mean time, tell me something sweet, or funny even, I can use the laugh.

Sending you "besos" from the asylum, where there's even more "locura" than usual.