Broken
Dearest Huckleberries,
I am so lost and heart broken. I have spent the last week watching someone I simply adore and love madly slowly wither away before my very eyes. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I just can't.
The death of Papito Rei in January broken my heart in places that were already a little fragile. I've been meaning to tell you all about Rei, he was a most amazing person, and you missed out not knowing him, I'll get around to that tale at some point. The recent health scare of yet another love of my vida broke me just a little bit more. And now ... well now I'm thinking all the little pieces are going to be harder to put back together.
So why the fuck am I blogging right now? Because I need to do something and I don't have the physical energy to do anything else. I've read your comments and emails and as always, you are fabulous and I feel the love, gracias, muchas gracias.
I am spending most of my waking hours at the hospital. Today I did the hardest thing yet. I signed the dreaded "DO NOT RESUSCITATE" papers. Let me tell ya my little huckleberries, If I thought I was kicked in the balls last week, this week even "balls the size of church bells" would not hold up well.
I'm letting you know how bad things are, yet being vague because I can't bear to type the details. Perhaps another day. I thought I had plenty to say but I don't, so I'm done. Goodnight, don't let the bedbugs bite. And thank you again for all that positive energy you are sending my way. Keep it coming. I'll write again when I can.
The death of Papito Rei in January broken my heart in places that were already a little fragile. I've been meaning to tell you all about Rei, he was a most amazing person, and you missed out not knowing him, I'll get around to that tale at some point. The recent health scare of yet another love of my vida broke me just a little bit more. And now ... well now I'm thinking all the little pieces are going to be harder to put back together.
So why the fuck am I blogging right now? Because I need to do something and I don't have the physical energy to do anything else. I've read your comments and emails and as always, you are fabulous and I feel the love, gracias, muchas gracias.
I am spending most of my waking hours at the hospital. Today I did the hardest thing yet. I signed the dreaded "DO NOT RESUSCITATE" papers. Let me tell ya my little huckleberries, If I thought I was kicked in the balls last week, this week even "balls the size of church bells" would not hold up well.
I'm letting you know how bad things are, yet being vague because I can't bear to type the details. Perhaps another day. I thought I had plenty to say but I don't, so I'm done. Goodnight, don't let the bedbugs bite. And thank you again for all that positive energy you are sending my way. Keep it coming. I'll write again when I can.
Besos, Es.
27 comments:
My heart and hugs go out to you-stay strong and know that I am forever thinking of you and share your pain.
besos...
Love you sweetie.
Much love to you from my side of the blue..
My only comfort comes in the belief that people will remain with you and be free of pain. Most of all we must find ways to comfort ourselves and accept...that is hardest.
So sorry to hear the bad news. Thinking about you often, hope things get better over time.
Oh, I'm sorry. I can't imagine, though I realize someday I may have to as I'm one of the 2 people responsible for my mom if she becomes incapacitated. Once I teased her and told her to be nice to me because I determine whether she lives or dies. But I hope never to have to do that, or sign a DNR. All my best thoughts to you. Someday the sun will shine again. Or at least peek through the clouds for the briefest of seconds.
I know what you mean about not eating and not sleeping. Huge hugs to you. And I just noticed the new photo up top. So sad....
j and i both have living wills. for no other reason than to spare eachother the pain of having to sign a dnr.
hugs, kisses and amazing grace being sent your way.
I am sorry to hear that Es...Muchos Besos...((hugs))
Another hug today.
My thoughts are with you and wish I could be there with you now.
I am sorry for all the stuff you are having to go through again.
A big hug to you and your family.
HR CO
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please let me know if there is anything I can do besides send you my love and all the positive energy I can muster.
Thinking of you.
Another hug...
More hugs! And I'm not a hugger! :-)
just checking in. still sending positive thoughts and hugs your way.
Even more hugs. and just to make it stick, I tagged you...
I hope things get better for you soon.
I'm so very sorry. Sending armfuls of positive energy and the warmest of hugs your way.
It's raining here. Are you crying?
God Bless you and know that we love you.
God Bless you and know that we love you.
Just say the word and I'll be on the next plane out to you-hang in there-I know you can handle this.
{:-)
Just checking in and saying hi... hang in there.
awwww, Es. I know exactly the pain you are feeling. I, too, had to sign Do Not Resucitate orders for my little boy...it was a horrible feeling...and he continued to live for more than a month. It was agony, it was hell, but in the end...he was at peace.
And his death, the circumstances surrounding his death, gave me the balls of steel I never knew I had and made me the fighter I am today.
My prayers are with you. Hang in there kiddo.
Peace, strength, love and blessings...
Cas
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