Starting Over

I am starting over. I haven't been at the asylum very much. Oh, go ahead and say it ... I haven't been here at all. But whatever, lets just wipe the blog slate clean and start over, shall we?

Things I learned while I was away:

• Nietzsche was right, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, even if dying seems like the easier alternative.
• Losing a loved one completely changes you forever, doesn't matter who it is, or what your relationship was, you will never be the same.
• Laughter , a sense of humor, the only armor you really need.
• I know some seriously fabulously awesome people, who love me and show it, how groovy is that?
• It takes a lot of courage to have the freedom to be me, and I am not always courageous.
• Don't ever decide to change your hair color while sad, depressed or grieving.
• Being and/or feeling crazy isn't always a bad thing.
• I'm still standing, looking like a true survivor. (feel free to do your best Elton John impression here)
• I missed writing, so perhaps I am back.
• Been keeping tabs on all you huckleberries, expect more obvious visits.

Ho Ho Ho

It's hard to believe that it's been almost a whole year since last I posted something here at the asylum. I will not bother to tell why I haven't been in touch, nor will I bore you with promises to keep in touch. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. I may be back next year, and then again I may not. But For tonight lets just pretend we never broke up, and that all is right in our world, that I never stopped talking to you, that I have been sharing tales of all my adventures, that I told you all about my heartache, that we held hands and cried while missing loved ones, that we shared many laughs and giggles, had one too many drinks and most of all lets pretend I didn't stop writing. And while I ponder coming back or not ... Merry Christmas.

And to "Mr. Chibby" Hope you are well, think of you often, Thanks for always checking in, Besos

Happy Trails to all of you, until we meet again ... maybe.

Tired but a champion

I have been so tired for the last couple weeks. I am not sure why. It could be that I get up at 4 AM every day. It could be that I have been putting in 12 hour days. It could be that I have aged another year. It could be that my cat seems to find it amusing to jump into bed with me and bring along a toy, insisting it's time to play regardless of the ungodly hour. Perhaps it's the insomnia kicking my ass, maybe it's a vitamin deficiency but whatever the reason I am going to

Anniversary of the day of my birth

7 things about me:

My favorite flower: Dahlias
My favorite colors: green, purple, and black.
My favorite fruit: mango, strawberries, papaya (not too ripe).
My favorite beverage: coffee and champagne (but not together).
My favorite books: " A prayer for Owen Meany"by John Irving and "Down these mean streets" by Peri Thomas.
My favorite music: way too many to mention, depends on mood, time, and activity.
My favorite activity: hiking and lounging on the beach.

Twenty Eleven

It's hard to believe that I have once again neglected this blog for as long as I have. The time has flown by, I last posted in May. I keep meaning to write but you know how that goes, sometimes life just gets in the way. Spring came and went, summer ended, fall was just a blur and winter is here. 2010 is gone and 2011 has arrived. Damn, I have been gone a long time. ( but I am still looking mighty fine.)

2010:

Thanks to all the people and situations that gave me pain and grief, because of you I am stronger.
Thanks to all who worried about me, because of you I never felt alone.
Thanks to my comadres (Loli and Yogi) because of you I know unconditional true friendship.
Thanks to my family, we are an odd bunch but because of you I know how much I am loved.
Thanks to my mantra "this too shall pass" because of you I kept what little was left of my sanity.
Thanks to my Huckleberries because of you I still feel encouraged to write.
Thanks heartache because of you I am learning to appreciate the little things.
Thanks Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey because of you I gained a few pounds.
Thanks 2010 because of you I am so damn glad it's 2011.

2011:

I promise to work harder at letting the old pain go.
I promise to try and be happier.
I promise to make more time for the "full expression of my personality".
I promise to not let my hair roots show as often.
I promise to comment on you blogs, answer my email and return your calls more consistently.
I promise to stop swearing so much.
I promise to stop skipping meals and exercise more.
I promise to be more positive, more appreciative, and more focused.
I promise to blog more.


It will be a better year, I yelled it from the rooftop, it must be true.

Besos, Es

another bullet post

• My brother's birthday party was fun, he got plenty of fabulous gifts, and groovy memories.
• My shoulder is healing. I have been going to physical therapy 3 times a week. I dare say I am even starting to use my left arm again. I have a whole lot less pain and can now dress myself independently. Feeling pretty good about my progress.
• Sunday around 1:15 am I felt the earth move. My first reaction was "yeah, he rocks my world", followed by "am I dreaming?" which quickly turned into ... no wait I am wide awake and sleeping alone. It took only seconds to realize it was in fact an earth quake. A moderate earth quake of 5.8. The island sustained minimal structural damage, some rock slides, no deaths or injuries reported. It was an odd sensation to feel my bed rocking, and hear things rumbling.
  
• I have decided to get political, after all I am Puerto Rican and politics is sort of our hobby and national pastime. Am starting in my own community. I am now the "water queen". We have private well water services in our community, which serves about 110 families. Being water queen requires meetings with our mayor, environmental services, local electric company and of course, the 110 families we serve. I dubbed myself water queen, because you know, I am all about the power. First Aguas Buenas, then the world. (insert maniacal laugh here)
• It's mango season, and that my little huckleberries is one of the greatest things about living here. I went to a baseball game this weekend in Ponce. I parked in front of a house with a massive mango tree, and there were mangos everywhere. I asked the home owners if I could help myself to some fruit and they said yes, not only yes, but got me some bags, opened their gate and helped me unto the roof of their house where I proceeded to fill two large garbage bags with delicious mangos. I shared some at the ball game but brought plenty back home. I absolutely love mangos!
• OK, that's it. done. be back soon.
  

I love you

Dearest Albert,

We met when you were 2 years old. I still shudder when I think about how sad, frightening and painful the first 2 years of your life had been. I hope you always remember as terrible as those years may have been, those bad things do not define the man you are. They are just there to reinforce the strength of the man you are becoming. But that was then and this is now. Today is April 24th, the day you have been counting down for an entire year, your 18th birthday ( Yeah, yeah I bought you that new car... NOT!) In your honor, I am sharing some sisterly wisdom and some memories of our life together. These pictures remind me of all the reasons why I love you.

The above picture was our first trip to Puerto Rico, I think you were 4. You carried 11 coconuts up that hill, I don't know why but you were determined. Don't be a quitter. Follow through with things. Determination is a great quality to have.

Our first trip to Disney World, you were 5, maybe 6. You walked around with that autograph book and had everyone sign it. You were fearless. Everything made you laugh. There was magic in everything. Keep your inner child happy, it will keep the adult in you healthy.

Last year, the family Caribbean cruise. You love a good laugh. We share lots of laughter. You have a great sense of humor, remember to use that when times get tough. Don't lose the laughter.

You and dad, in Puerto Rico, besides your love of carrying coconuts, I discovered your love of the beach and the ocean this trip. You were carefree, unafraid and learned to swim on your own. You have become an impressive athlete. You play baseball, basketball, volleyball, and run like the wind. Stay active, you've got an awesome body now but someday 18 will be a memory and 60 will knocking at your door.

This was about 3 years ago, you and Papa. You are so compassionate. You were so wonderful to him. It made my heart soar when ever I watched you interact with him. Always be compassionate, remember to be kind to those less fortunate. Remember to always make time to help others, it is one of life's wonderful rewards. It takes so little and means so much, I know it sounds corny but it's true.

You and Mama during the family cruise. You have an innate ability to make everyone love you. It's an incredible skill to be able to relate to all kinds of peoples, from all walks of life. On the last day of the cruise you were surrounded by people you had met along the week. Someone asked us if you were famous because of the commotion. You always make a lasting impression. Don't abuse that skill. Use it for good and not evil.

You were once an alter boy. That's you, up front and center. We have had many discussions about religion. It's a wonderful thing that you believe in God. We couldn't be further apart in our beliefs but you have always shown me respect even in light of those differences. Respect others beliefs in the same way that you respect mine. Always respect the differences in people. Respect is essential in life.

This is you on drugs. Not that you do drugs, but if you did, this would be you. DON'T DO DRUGS! You don't ever want to be this ugly. And if I find out you are doing drugs, I will kick your ass, and you know that I can. 'nuff said.

You and your cousin Edwin. Family and friends are important. Be loyal to them. Be true to your word. Always make time for them. Always be sincere. Remember forgiveness is important in all relationships. ( I forgive you for wearing those white crocs)

You were 16 in this picture, looking cool, and it cracks me up that you made sure to match your clothes to your vehicle. You love clothes and shoes, in fact your love of shoes rivals my own. Always take pride in yourself. Always be kind to yourself. Always keep your priorities in check.

You and Dilmaris, your girlfriend. Your first love. This past year has been filled with drama in the relationship department as the two of you learn the in's and out's of this whole love thing. Respect and trust the women you have relationships with. Be honest, be romantic, and practice safe sex. ALWAYS. Remember that an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy will change your life forever and more than likely in negative ways. Besides the pregnancy thing, there are bad, nasty diseases which will attach themselves to your penis and never let go. Safe sex ... wear a condom, other wise your penis will exhibit nasty, gross sores and warts and it will shrivel up and fall off, trust me, I wouldn't lie to you.

17, healthy, strong, great smile, wonderful personality, bad temper. You worse fault is your bad temper. Learn to control it. It will ruin your life. Not everything is worth freaking out about. Not everything is life or death. Anger can be a good thing, healthy even but not if it seriously injures those you love. Learn to express your anger in healthier ways, you will be better for it.

Your first school picture. You are beautiful in many ways. Inside and out. I love you dear brother, siempre, sin condiciones. Happy Birthday, looking forward to seeing your future unfold.

Besos, Es

Puerto Rican tales

I was born in Puerto Rico. I am a United States citizen, everyone born on the island is, it's one of the benefits of my island being a colony of the USA. When I first moved back to mi isla I had reason to obtain a copy of my birth certificate. It seems here on the island we need a birth certificate to do a whole bunch of things including opening a bank account. To get a copy of my birth certificate I had to stand on huge lines, show 62 pieces of identification, fill out a very long application form and pay a $20 fee. Imagine my surprise when recently our government informed it's people that as of July 1st, all our birth certificates will be null and void. Yes, my old birth certificate will no longer be valid and I must apply for a new one. WTF.

Due to the current craziness in global immigration issues, Puerto Rican birth certificates reportedly account for 40% of passport and identification fraud. Nefarious people are willing to pay upwards of $10,000 for one. OK maybe they aren't all nefarious, perhaps some are just illegal aliens looking to score naturalized citizenship but whatever the reason, as of July 1st, I must go back into the depths of hell my local demographics office and obtain a new certificate.

There will be millions of Boricuas here on the island and in the United States trying to replace their useless birth certificate for a new one. There has been no news as to how the new certificate will be enhanced to prevent identity theft and no news as to what will prevent me from selling the new one for a quick $10,000. In the mean time I currently have not one but two legal copies of my birth certificate up for grabs. I will only entertain serious offers, cash only, throw in a pair of Manolo Blahniks and you win. Please hurry July 1st is quickly approaching.

In other Puerto Rican news fronts, it appears Republicans are throwing around the name of our governor Luis Fortuño as possible vice presidential material. (Seriously, lets all pause for a moment while I stop laughing) I am absolutely a proud Boricua, I love my island, it's people and my culture. I also come from a long line of politically active family. But Luis Fortuño for vice president? The man is a complete moron. An elitist with little regard for the islands people whose main concern is his own political life and agenda. Perhaps that is exactly what qualifies him as Republican vice president material pero no puede ser. Seriously, I don't think it will ever happen, it's just talk, even just rumor. I shall be having nightmares for at least a month now. Damn those political rumor mills to hell.

The Department of Natural and Environmental Resources has informed us that Lionfish have invaded the northern coast of Puerto Rico. The troublesome invasion of these beautiful yet dangerous fish are threatening our native reefs. The speed at which the Lionfish reproduces as well as it massive appetite could spell disaster for our northern coast. Environmental Resources is pursuing ways to get this problem under control by posting a hot line phone number for Lionfish sightings and offering fishermen $2 or $3 a piece for species turned over to them. I wonder if Lionfish born in Puerto Rico need to apply for the new birth certificate? Perhaps we can ask our governor to jump in to the waters off the northern coast and pet a few. Can Lionfish count as constituents?

In news closer to my corazon, my little brother turns 18 on Saturday. Be still my heart, more on that monumental occasion to come.

Hello Blog, are you there? It's me ...

My Dearest Blog,

I know I have neglected you, I mean really neglected you. If you were a living thing, you would most likely be dead by now and I would be planning your funeral. In my defense I should tell you that I have been very ill in recent months. I have been a walking, one arm disease magnet. Tylenol cold and flu are now my best friends. I am taking mega doses of vitamin C and looking into investment options with the Kleenex company. I am happy to report that in the last couple weeks I seem to be on the mend and taking lesser amounts of drugs to combat the evil germs inside me.

I also have not written much because I injured my left shoulder several months ago. I injured it bad enough that the pain was horrific if I moved my arm. So I stopped moving my arm. I really had no need for a left arm anyway. We have all seen those documentaries, people can do wonderful things without the use of a limb, right? Right. I have become very adept at performing all sorts of mundane daily tasks with only one arm. I should have taken pictures to share with you because I am a lovely sight trying to get dressed in the morning. I didn't know I had the physically agility to put my bra on, and pull on shorts with one arm. But oh baby I do, and I did, well I did until the pain in my useless left arm became constant and ran the entire length of my arm, right into my finger tips. My left arm would not be ignored. Damn, I did so try to ignore it. So after my ripped tendon, and adhesive capsulitis were diagnosed. (the frozen shoulder I am sure a result of my refusal to move my left arm for a few months, yeah, I really am a genius.) I have since had a procedure requiring painful needles, and physical therapy. I will continue the physical therapy for a couple more months. Yes, my dear blog, not only have I been germ infested, but I was stupid enough to ignore a torn shoulder tendon and yet I lived to tell my story. Seriously I know it's hard to believe but I am a genius.

I am feeling better, I am no longer the one armed virus germ magnet. (am about an arm and a half right now) The healing started just as you were starting to cough up blood but before you died altogether. Happy days. Please do stay tuned I have some stories to tell and I promise to feed you more often. (yeah yeah I know I've said that before but I mean it this time, I think, no I do really) Until next time...

Besos, Es

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While I was in Santo Domingo my beverage choices varied, beer, rum, Dansani flavored water (toronja bliss was my favorite) and Diet coke also known as Coca Cola Light. Coca Cola light didn't really taste the same as diet coke, a little flat tasting in fact. But "light" sounds somehow better than diet.

Pollos Victorino is a chain of fast food chicken places, I spotted them in numerous locations on my travels in Santo Domingo. During the week there never seemed to be anyone buying chicken there, but on weekends they were packed. "Sabor a ti" loosely translates into "taste like you". Now I have no doubt that I taste damn fabulous but am not sure I want my chicken to taste like me because I like my chicken to taste ...well, like chicken. Also how do I know that said chicken will in fact taste like me and not you? Not that you taste terrible but do you taste like chicken? This sign sort of reminded me of "Soylent Green" hence why I never ate there.

A little vacation

As I have told you a few times I have a gazillion cousins. Some are not so nice, some are nice and some are down right scary. One of the nice ones, is my cousin Olga. Back when we lived in Brooklyn, Olga use to babysit me during summer school vacations. She was a great babysitter. She recently reminded me that as a child I refused to drink any beverage that didn't have crushed ice, she of course always crushed my ice, she spoiled me. Until about 8 months ago Olga lived in Texas now she lives here in Puerto Rico. She moved to help care for her mom, my tia Francis. Olga happens to own a timeshare in Santo Domingo, and since we both needed a little break from our caregiver/caretaker jobs, the Dominican Republic seemed like a nice escape ... and it was.

Let me tell you my little huckleberries, I slept ( a whole lot) I watched TV, I ate and I drank and sunbathed and went sightseeing. It was a heavenly vacation. The weather was great the entire week we were there. Santo Domingo is filled with many historic sights, colonial times have been preserved and the architecture is impressive. The people were wonderfully friendly, the food phenomenal and the beer, well the beer was damn tasty. (the rum wasn't too shabby either but I have to admit it isn't as good as PR rum) Thank you Cuz for the love, the stories shared, and our vacation to Santo Domingo, it was great fun. And I won't tell anyone how you were a little grumpy on the flight home because you couldn't nap due to the fact that R.K.M. & Ken-Y were sitting right behind us on the plane and I had to show you their picture on my IPOD and tell you who they were because I am so hip and have a 17 year old brother who keeps me up on these things. I love that among the gazillion cousins you are one of the good ones.

Columbus or maybe it was his son, slept here.

Colonial Plaza Church

inside the church


Plaza outside the church

Coastline near our condo

Street musicians enjoyed while having a beer at a sidewalk cafe

Olga at the National Aquarium

These lizards were everywhere, and they were big.

Stairways like this one can found all over older parts of the city

Our Transportation to and from Saona Island

Saona Island

Same island, another view

I have more pictures to share at another time, blogger is taking too long to upload and I have things to do. Enjoy the weekend, be back soon.

Another Milestone

So the party continues, it's my birthday. In honor of such an auspicious occasion, am having a few girls over to celebrate. Nothing too extravagant just the usual cigars, rum and of course, plenty of hair adornment. Oh and 7 birthday related things:

1. Am a Capricorn and if I were to believe in horoscopes, I am a true Capricorn. sad but true.
2. My most favorite birthday ever was at L'Auberge, balloons, champagne, tuxedo strawberries, followed by 2nd most favorite: Vegas baby!
3. My most favorite birthday outing as a kid was going to "flame Steaks" in Times Square. My parents always made it a goal to embarrass me by putting lettuce on their noses, yep, those were good times.
4. There has only been one year where I secretly wished for a specific birthday gift. I never told anyone, and hence didn't get what I had wished for, how stupid was that?
5. I don't recall ever having a birthday party or traditional type birthday cake. I'm OK with that, those things never appealed to me.
6. By 8AM today I had received 4 birthday texts, 6 birthday emails, 2 birthday gifts, and the day is still young.
7. The anniversary of the day of my birth, means I made it to another year, another chance to live up to my potential, another year to count my wrinkles, to stare in the mirror and wonder "how come body parts seem to be going south?" , another year to squander away the day without guilt because it is my birthday, another year to feel good about who I am, another year to "Find freedom for the full expression of my personality".
   

Dia de los Reyes

While most of you are getting back into your post holiday routines, here on the island we are still in party mode. Today is 3 kings day. El dia de los Reyes is one of our most important holidays. All the islands children spent last night finding boxes and filling them with hay, so the camels would have something to eat when the 3 kings dropped off a whole plethora of gifts. Los Reyes trump santa here on the island.

Nothing goes back to normal until January 12th, when at long last kids go back to school and people go back to work and the holiday season is officially over. It's a damn long holiday season. We start the party on Thanksgiving and almost 2 months later it ends.

The holiday season is filled with traditions, fabulous food and wonderful music. For some it's a highly spiritual time, there are midnight masses, re-enactments, and candle lit processions. For others (like me) it's the food and drink and music that fills me with awe. I have eaten more roast pork in the last 2 months than I did all year. I drank coquito (our rum laced coconut eggnog) and moonshine, oh baby, you haven't lived until you drink our moonshine, it's smooth, fruity and ever so deadly, gotta love that in your holiday beverages. And the music, incredible Christmas carols that have been sung for generations, some spiritual, others just joyful.

So today while you go about your average day, I'll be checking out my hay filled box for baubles left by the 3 kings, eating roast pork, and drinking moonshine, all the while listening to los troubadours sing farewell to this holiday season. Feliz dia de los Reyes.

2010

May it be filled with Peace, Love, and Joy
Besos, Es

And so it begins

Now that Christmas is over, we look towards the New Year. Here on the island we still have the New Years celebration and 3 Kings day before the partying yields back to our routines. But as does most of the planet at this time of year, we look back on the past year and contemplate what the new year holds for us.

I have lived in Puerto Rico for four years now. Four years of tropical island/farm living. Nothing like my past city life. I still look back on my New York and Boston life, and it amazes me that I went from fast paced city career girl to my Boricua roots. Oh, how I still miss my old life, but oh , how I have strongly embraced my island home.

It's been a difficult transition, filled with plenty of loss and turmoil. I am ashamed to admit that I let the difficulties and loss define me, more often than I allowed the beauty and wonder to take hold. I am ashamed to admit that I have hit rock bottom way too often. I am ashamed to admit that there have been moments when I felt I truly understood why some people choose to give up or perhaps even take their own life. Overwhelming sadness, grief and tough decisions can make a person lose sight of all that is good. Loneliness and heartache (although at times self imposed) are not conducive to a good night sleep or a positive attitude or good health. I am ashamed to admit that I said "I hate my life" so often I lost count. I am ashamed to admit I lost sight of living only to bask in ugliness. It was not and hasn't been a good way to live. In fact I only "lived" intermittently.

This last year has been the most difficult. All my psychology training and degrees couldn't pick me up off the floor, not that I tried too hard to get up either. But sometimes as you lay in that bathtub full of life's lemons, enjoying the despair, someone or something reminds you that it's not over yet. The gods remind you that the journey although difficult and dark, still manages to hold some glimmers of light. Some little voice reminds you to look around, to search for the joy because it is still there, you have just forgotten where to look. You have forgotten how to live and living is something I use to do with great abandon, I was damn good at it.

So all that being said my only goal for the New Year is to find some peace. To focus on me because you know when it's all said and done, it's really all about me. right? I am making the choice to focus on the positive and to be thankful. I am so very grateful for so many things. (get ready here come the bullets)

• I live on gorgeous tropical island, whose culture, beaches and food are nothing short of spectacular. How can I not focus on all that beauty? My only real complaint about living here are the countless bad hair days due to the humidity, if that's my major beef I really need to shut up.
  
• I have lost what may have been some of the greatest loves of my life, but as the old saying goes "it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all" Stupid saying but oh so very true. If I lose sight of all that joy and love, I diminish what was some incredible love.
  
• I am grateful to all of you who read this blog and take the time to comment or email me. Some of you I have met in person, others I only know in cyber-world but all of you have blessed me with your friendship. Many of you shared your wisdom, and personal stories with me, many of you quietly "held my hand". Thank you, I am humbled by your beauty.
• My cousins (not the whole gazillion of you, ha!) but those select few who love me so unconditionally. It's a groovy thing that we have all connected. This generation is setting the bar high for those cousins that follow us. I won't name all of you (it would take too long and this post is long enough already) but you know who you are. I love you and I am grateful.
• Las Comadres! what can I say about you, you take friendship to a whole new level. You understand me, and you still love me, how beautiful is that! You are phenomenal women, 'nuff said.
• My immediate family, you haven't made life easy for me but I regret nada. You have made me stronger, you have never doubted me, you believed when I didn't. I am proud to live up to our family name. You too have set the bar awfully high, but I will never stray from reaching it.

I am a strong, educated woman. I hold the key to my destiny, only I decide what defines me. If I don't enjoy the journey what beauty will the destination hold? As 2010 nears, I choose to live this new life a whole lot better than I did in 2009. And so it begins ... with me ... because my little huckleberries, it's all about me, a better me.

Feliz Navidad

From my corner of the world to yours

Merry Christmas
Besos

Alive and well

It's been 4 months since I last wrote in this blog. I promised I would write more often ... I lied. I didn't mean to lie it just sort of happened, Life sometimes gets in the way of blogging. Of course, you would think that after all this time I would have something profound, earth shattering, and important to say but I don't. Nope, nada, empty. Well, except for yet another bullet post and some pictures ...

• The above picture is the back of the U.S. Puerto Rico quarter. We are a United States Colony/territory and we got minted. So go check your pocket change and when you find the Puerto Rico quarter, think of moi.

• In October we had a huge explosion at the Gulf Oil refinery. Big massive explosion caused by human error. The explosion included a 3.8 earth tremor and a plume of smoke that could be seen for miles and lasted a week. (and yes Nor, I could see it from my house)

• In November I attended my brother's Catholic Confirmation. I am not a practicing Catholic, nor am I much of a believer, But Albert is and it was important to him so it was important to me. His girlfriend Dilmaris, was also confirmed that day. I am sometimes in awe that this handsome 17 year old young man is the same little frightened 2 year old boy I met for the first time at social services and as much angst as he sometimes causes me, the joy he brings is far greater.
• Our little island is besieged in turmoil. The economy sucks, the murder count is greater then several major and much bigger cities in the United States, and our Governor is a complete idiot who thinks that what's important in these trying times is privatization and statehood. Neither of which is wanted by the people of the island.

• The holiday season is upon us and let me tell you Puerto Ricans know how to party! And we will be partying 'till the cows come home or January 6th. which ever comes first.

Now my little huckleberries, that's all I got for now. I am still here, and I will be back. besos, Es

(Susan, am so doing my naked happy dance about your new house!)